That Hopelessness of Mine
by Margaret Helstone
Summary: "She was weary, she was sick, she was completely unable to focus. She, the Astrid Hofferson, the most hard-working student the University of Berk had ever taught, suddenly appeared to be perfectly indifferent to what was happening around her. Her life was an utter mess – and a ridiculously handsome, green-eyed stranger was the last person she needed to meet." Hiccstrid modern AU.
1. Berk's Greatest Loser

It looked like Eret had finally gathered the courage to ask Heather out. So what.

She was happy for him. For both of them, really. She had no right to be jealous or disappointed – after all, Eret had only been her best friend for like, her entire life. But hey, that did not mean the bond they had was going anywhere beyond that point, so it would be foolish of her to imagine any kind of romantic future with the bulky brunette by her side. Not that she hadn't done that, but again, that was not the point. She and Eret were just a pair of crazy friends, the born-together-die-together type, who could never built anything stronger than this weird, a bit flirtatious kind of relationship.

Besides, she cared for Heather even more than she did for him, and she was well aware that the two made in fact a perfect match. She was probably more sure of this than either of them was at the moment.

So why on earth did it hurt so much?

Astrid spluttered in irritation, and threw her books into her old, worn-out bag, trying to ignore the curious glances Ruffnut had been casting on her for the greatest part of the day. She knew she was rather rude ignoring her like she was, but honestly, she couldn't be bothered. The day had been way too long already, with more than ten hours spent at the university and with no gaps between their classes, and the last thing she needed was explaining her current state to the blonde girl beside her, no matter how well the latter meant.

She was ready to leave the minute her teacher said his goodbyes. She had no idea what he'd been telling them earlier, that however, was no different from her general oblivion to that particular day's events. She was weary, she was sick, she was completely unable to focus. She, _the_ Astrid Hofferson, the most hard-working student the University of Berk had ever had a chance to teach, suddenly appeared to be perfectly indifferent to what was happening in there, literally. If anything, she wondered why she'd even bothered to get up from her bed that morning.

However determined she was to escape, she failed miserably, as Rachael Thorston once again proved she could conquer the laws of space and time, somehow managing to bar her way just a few steps from the entrance.

Astrid groaned.

"Ruff, I'm too tired for this."

"Oh, sure, and you think I'll just let you run away with it, missie? Well, I don't think so," the other girl snorted. "You've been acting like a beaten dog for the entire day, and that's not something that happens that often. The Astrid I know doesn't get all sullen for no reason."

"Ruffnut, please. Just let go."

"Let go? So you can walk alone in the night, in that weather, shambling like some sick, light-headed shadow? You won't even make it to that lousy flat of yours, and I'm certainly not going to scratch off your corpse from some lousy car after you drag your lousy butt on the street and are hit by it. You're not going anywhere."

Astrid sighed, praying to all the Saints she could think of that she'd find the strength to deal with her friend for a little bit longer.

"Okay, look," she started, hoping she would manage to be assertive enough, even though every fibre of her being wished to be anything but that. "First of all, my flat isn't lousy. Small, uncomfortable, boring maybe, yes, but otherwise it's fine. Second, my block of flats is literally three minutes away from here, and I only have to cross one narrow street, so I think my butt is pretty safe. Oh, and by the way, thank you for not wanting to deal with my dead body, I always knew I could count on you."

"You're not making any sense, Hofferson."

"Neither are you, Thorston." Astrid forced herself to smile weakly, not wanting to worry her companion more than she already had. "Listen, you've got one more class ahead of you, and we both know you can't skip this one. And I really don't feel like spending another hour and a half here, waiting until you'll be able to walk me home."

"Fine, then I'm gonna call Tuff," Ruffnut retorted.

"No! I mean… Oh gosh."

"What?"

"I don't need Tuff to walk me home. I don't need _anyone_ to walk me home! Just let me get out of here, and I promise you I'll be in my room in no time. I can even text you so you know I've made it. Deal?"

Rachael raised her eyebrows in a disbelieving grimace, but nodded nevertheless. Her interlocutor sighed with relief.

"Only promise me you'll let me know if you need anything," the former added, relentlessly.

"All I need right now is to change into my pyjamas, get to my bed, and spend the rest of the evening curled up in it drinking tea, eating chocolate and probably mixing those with all the junk food I can find at my place. I'll be fine."

"You better be. See you tomorrow, you stubborn mutton head."

"I love you, too."

Astrid waved her hand carelessly, and grinned a bit more widely, seeing her friend shake her head in piteous disappointment. It was good to know at least one person cared.

The girl decided to waste no more time, and having turned on her heel, she crossed the threshold, making sure she didn't jog anyone she was forced to pass.

Even at such an ungodly hour, there were still quite a lot of students buzzing around.

She shivered when a chilly blast of the wind stroke her, and wrapped her long scarf around her head and neck. It really was cold, and rather windy too, and she couldn't help but think it would be a good idea to finally buy herself a hat, or earmuffs, or better, both. She could also use a jacket that would not be lacking a hood.

Oh, and gloves. She never remembered about gloves.

Either way, Astrid knew that the sooner she stopped pitying herself, the sooner she'd start walking, and as a result, the sooner she'd reach her own bedroom. Her evening plans might've been pathetic, but that didn't make them any less urgent, and if she wanted to make the best of them (however ironic that sounded), she had to hurry.

You couldn't call an evening special if you went to bed at the usual hour, right?

The young woman folded her arms on her chest, trying to keep as much warmth as possible, thinking about how worried Ruffnut had seemed that day. She understood she must have looked really bad to make her friends act the way she had – to the point when she'd been ready to call her brother and ask him to make sure Astrid's journey would not be interrupted by any unwanted adventures. She was almost surprised Ruffnut had not suggest asking Snotlout to do that.

 _'And that's another problem we'll have to deal with,'_ she mused inwardly, feeling an unpleasant twinge in her chest. She couldn't quite tell why watching her friends' relationship blossom was so unsettling, considering how much impressed she was to see it actually work. And yet, Ruff and Snot being a couple was one thing, them being a successful one was another… but Snotlout actually popping the question was something none of the girls had expected.

Although the poor guy had been turned down at first ( _"I'm not going to marry you **now** , idiot!")_ Astrid realised that he would not give up, eventually repeating the proposal – and she knew that when that would happen, Ruff would no longer play the unreachable and simply say yes.

To sum up: her best male friend had just started dating her roommate, her best girl friend was inches from being engaged, and from what she'd heard, even Tuff had managed to find someone strong – or crazy – enough to put up with him and his antics. She wasn't sure what the poor girl's name was (Cameron? Cambria? Camilla?), but the fact remained – she was the only one in the gang left behind as _single_.

Except Fishlegs, that is. It wasn't like _he_ was an option, though.

She blinked repeatedly when a snowflake flew into her eye. It wasn't snowing too heavily yet, which was why she felt taken aback at first, however, it was enough to make her stumble. She balanced herself easily – unfortunately for her, her great physical skills could not prevent her bag's strap from falling off, which happened almost simultaneously. Had she not been busy focusing on the snow, she might have caught the bag in time – instead, all she could do was watch it hit the ground with a heavy thud, while its contents spilled all over the footpath, while she couldn't even fully comprehend the absurdity of the situation.

She snapped out of her stupefaction soon enough, seeing her papers being tossed by the heavy gust that seemed to be growing stronger and stronger with every passing second. She fell on her knees to grab her phone, which was lying just next to the bag, and reached for a notebook that had landed nearby; she was up again the next moment, trying to catch the loose sheets of paper, filled with her precious notes – and she would have succeeded, if not for a thin layer of ice under her shoe. She stumbled again, only this time her reflex didn't work, causing her to fall forwards, miraculously avoiding meeting the floor with her face.

Her bag hit the ground close to her right hand, once again allowing her belongings to be spread all around. Astrid raised her head a few inches, only to let it fall on the footpath again a moment later.

Now she really wanted to cry.

She felt someone crutch before her; at first, she wanted to jerk up her head and look up at the stranger, probably snapping at them to mind their own business and leave her the hell alone on the ground. Then she realised she didn't even have the strength to do that much. She was pathetic, and she knew it – but Thor strike her if there was anything she could do about it.

In her mind's eyes she could see her notes gliding above the pavement, twirling around her, or maybe just flying away in the direction she didn't even care to check.

She heard the other person clear their throat before her – she was pretty sure it was a man coughing, but then again, she really couldn't tell for sure; not with her face pressed to the ground, and her thoughts focused on everything but the reality she wanted to escape so badly. The next moment she felt the person shift, stand up and walk away in a hurried pace, as if disgusted by the thought of standing near her for another second. Even though she knew it wouldn't solve anything, Astrid couldn't help but groan.

It was probably the thousandth time she did that day.

 _'Go, go, hurry up,' she yelled inwardly at the stranger, feeling the tears well in her eyes for real. 'Run away before you get infected with that hopelessness of mine, before you get yourself a virus of being Berk's greatest loser. Leave me here, all alone, just like everybody else, and I'll just die, lonely and forgotten and -'_

"Are you alright?"

Good Heaven, he hadn't left.

And yes, it definitely was a man speaking.

Her first reflex was to cover her head with her trembling, freezing arms, and block that part of reality that somehow still managed to get to her; and that's what she did, right before she realised how ridiculous she must have looked, and decided that if she couldn't make herself seem any more reasonable, at least she shouldn't do the opposite, and embarrass herself even further.

She took a deep breath, then another, and using all of the strength she had left, she lifted herself to a sitting position, wiping the tears away in what she hoped to be a discreet manner. She blinked a few times and, assuming the most peaceful expression she could afford, she finally turned towards the man in front of her.

* * *

 _Author's note: A new story! Well, not really. Because I wrote it in December._

 _But hey, it still is a newly published one, right? And I still hope you like it, no matter the reservations I had myself. There is a part two and three written for it and hopefully, there will be more - but I won't lie, it kind of depends on whether you'd like to see it continued in the first place._

 _Anyway, I really should be studying right now - so bye! See you soon, I hope!_

 _God bless you,  
Margaret_


	2. Keep it Going, Pay it Forward

She definitely needed to stop judging people by how much of a possible boyfriend material they were.

It was disgusting. Ridiculous. Immature. Awfully and entirely improper, as much as nonsensical, because there was no chance any of the guys she had already judged in this manner would ever bump into her again.

However, she soon realised it was also incredibly difficult not to do when facing a tall, lean shape of a young man, with an auburn mess of hair and big, emerald eyes, boring into her with such deep concern.

Goodness gracious, wasn't she a loser.

"Um… Is – is everything okay?" the man asked just a few seconds later, clearly confused. Astrid blinked repeatedly before comprehending how long – and how intensely – she'd been staring, and almost hit her head against the ground again, embarrassed.

Instead, she closed her eyes, rubbed her temples, and answered wearily, "I guess so. Sorry if I freaked you out. I was sure I'd heard you walk away, so I… I was surprised. I'm sorry."

He only shook his head and smiled. "There's nothing to be sorry for. And I did walk away – that was the only way to gather these, after all."

He raised his hands a little, showing a stack of personal belongings he'd been holding. _Her_ belongings.

Astrid's eyes widened at the sight. She straightened up a little more, and mustered a small smile, as she reached out her hand towards him, taking the items with a grateful nod. He returned the grin, and even laughed quietly when she sniffed ungracefully. The girl reached towards her purse, but before she'd managed to locate it, his hand was stretched out again, offering her a tissue that she so desperately needed.

Great. So he was a gentleman as well.

She really didn't need that.

She accepted the item and realised it was an actual handkerchief, and obviously, she hesitated before using it. The man only smiled more widely at her and waved at the material in an encouraging gesture.

Oh, she really tried not to sound like a wounded elephant while blowing her nose – why, if her organism seemed determined to ruin each and every plan of hers. In the corner of her eye, she saw the stranger suppress a laugh and involuntarily rolled her eyes in response. Yet, as soon as she finished, she had to sigh again, puzzled as what to do with the handkerchief she was squeezing.

She couldn't just give it back to him like that.

"Keep it," he muttered as if she was an open book he could read so easily, which, considering her current state, she probably was. "I've got tones of those stuffed in my drawers, waiting to be used at least once. My Dad has a thing for it, he says that a man should always have one in case someone needed it."

"And a paper tissue wouldn't do the job?"

"I think he'd see that as offensive."

"Your father must be a real old-fashioned gentleman, then," she offered with a smile.

"The biggest one I know. Not only because he's almost seven feet tall and wide like a wardrobe."

Astrid couldn't help but chuckle at his words, and following his orders, she slipped the cloth inside her pocket and nodded again. She reached out for her bag, clasped it, threw her notes and phone inside, and buckled it up. Then, careful not to grasp it by the treacherous belt, she grabbed it, and readied herself to finally get up.

Unsurprisingly, there was a hand waiting to assist her.

She smirked at him, and took it.

"Are you always like this?" she asked, wiping the last of her tears away, suddenly indifferent to the fact that her interlocutor could see it. He confirmed.

"I told you, I was raised to behave this way. I don't want to imagine what my dad would do if he heard I ignored a woman in need of help."

"You know, those words might be taken as sexist nowadays," Astrid teased, not really knowing where her sudden boldness had come from. Maybe it was him being so chatty himself, or maybe it was the ease and consideration with which he had attended her earlier. Maybe, just maybe, it was those green eyes of his that for some reason seemed more familiar than anything else on earth.

She heard him sigh wearingly.

"Well, how about ignoring another human being in general?" he asked rhetorically. "The point remains. You just don't leave a person lying on the pavement, with the snow falling down right on their unprotected head."

"I see. It's not only your father who's the well-mannered one, then."

"I'm just trying to be a decent guy, that's all," he answered with a shrug. "But you know. I'm glad I could to help."

"That's definitely a gentleman speaking."

"Always ready to protect and provide."

He smirked, and Astrid found herself laughing again. His features softened significantly at the sight, his grin regaining its usual warm hue.

"What now?"

"Nothing," she said with a wave of her hand. "It's just… My friend says that a lot."

"Well, I've stolen it from my cousin, so the line may be less original than we all thought."

They laughed in unison, and Astrid couldn't help but wonder how it was possible that people like this still existed. It felt like a story, like an opening to a light-hearted young adults romance, the sort of _The Notebook_ or _La la land_ – and she had to remind herself that it couldn't really be one.

The comprehension stung a little, however, the girl was determined not to let it get to her and instead, appreciate the kindness and attentiveness she'd just experienced. She took a deep breath, and realising that it was high time she set home, she smiled gently, and gave the man her last thankful nod.

"You know, no matter how sexist it may seem for some, I'm really grateful for what you did," she said calmly. "It's reassuring to know there's still goodness in this world."

He waved his hand again.

"I told you, it's nothing. I bet you would have done the same."

Astrid's grin faltered a little. "I hope I would, can't say I know that for sure, though."

"Maybe we'll just have to wait for an opportunity. Who knows, maybe one day it will be you helping me gather my stuff – or maybe it will be someone completely different. Just keep it going, pay it forward, and you'll see it will get better with time."

"Isn't it a little naive to think so?"

"Not really; idealistic, maybe. But it doesn't make it any less worth trying, does it?"

Astrid didn't answer, too focused on the sincerity and confidence that reflected in the stranger's eyes as he spoke. Those eyes were captivating, there was no denying that, and once again, she found herself gazing at them intensively, pondering how it was possible for someone to have eyes _that_ green and why would the look she saw in them make her look feel so much at ease.

Her silent question remained unanswered. Instead, she saw the brunet raise his eyebrows at her and clear his throat, no doubt wanting to snap her out of her stupor.

She'd been staring again.

She lowered her gaze immediately, fixing it on the tips of her boots, hoping against hope that she was not blushing as furiously as she feared she was. Then she tightened her grip on her bag, shot him the shortest of glances, mumbled a thank-you, and spun on her heel, ready to leave.

Before he'd had a chance to stop her, she was gone, resolved not to expose herself to his comments or embarrass herself even more.

She almost ran to her apartment, oblivious to the young man that watched her go – and to the shock and disappointment that reflected on his face soon after.

* * *

 _Author's note: And chapter 2 is here! Thank you so much for your great comments, follows and faves - I really didn't expect to see that much enthusiasm on your side! I always thought about this story as one of the least important projects of mine, but apparently, you've found it more interesting than I ever have. I hope this chapter (even if so short) did not disappoint you and that you're still willing to take this little journey with me._

 _Since I'm on my scout camp as we speak, I won't be able to update for the next two weeks - but I won't delay it any longer! For now, I wish you all a good day/night, wherever you live, and hopefully, I'll see you soon._

 _Thank you again and God bless you all,  
Margaret_


	3. About The Dumbest Thing Ever

She had told Ruffnut she would need three minutes to cover the distance separating her from her flat.

She did it in one.

One feverish minute of sprinting in the snow, trying to fight the embarrassment that spread over her like a plague, hoping against hope that the considerate – and way too handsome for his own good – stranger would forget about this entire situation by the time she got to the threshold.

Her cheeks were flushed red like never before, and she couldn't even pretend it was the cold or exercise that had caused it.

Astrid sighed heavily as she tapped the right code on the intercom and pushed the door open, all while doing her best not to sit down on the floor right then and there and curl up in resignation – and then she sighed again, looking up the high staircase, seeing all the steps she still needed to climb.

Life definitely wasn't fair.

Refraining from the third sigh in a row, she approached the staircase and without further delay, she resumed her run, because again, even this exhausted, she did not feel like staying away from her own room any longer than it was necessary.

She just wanted to get inside at last.

' _And when I do,'_ she mused to herself as she went up another floor, finally nearing her own little place of solace, _'it's all about myself. A hot shower, a cup of hot tea and a warm bed… and silence. Lovely, cosy, undisturbed silence.'_

Yes, she was actually happy Heather wasn't there for the evening.

And as she stood in front of her door, rummaging through her purse and trying hard not to think about the very green eyes of the young man who'd helped her with its content less than a quarter earlier – nor about the awkwardness she still felt at the remembrance of her own childish behaviour – she also recalled her other girl friend. Astrid had promised Ruffnut she would call her as soon as she got inside, and her unexpected stop at the pavement must have doubled the time she usually needed to get there; she would not be surprised to see about ten missed calls and four messages from Ruff as soon as she unlocked her phone.

Which she did. And the numbers were precisely like she had jokingly assumed.

"At least one person cares," the blonde muttered with a smile, shaking her head at her best friend's overprotectiveness – and then froze, remembering the kindness of the man she was trying so hard to forget.

It didn't even matter it was _him_. What mattered was the fact, that there was someone else, someone she didn't know, but who still was kind enough to stop by and help a person, only because he thought she could use it.

Maybe there really was more good in this world that she'd thought?

Her grin widened a little at the realisation. Still, there was no point in pondering over it on the dim, empty staircase, which only threatened to bring back her feelings of loneliness if she stayed there any longer. Not ceasing to smile, Astrid slid her phone back into her pocket, turned the key and let herself in through the unlocked, heavy door – and slammed it behind her eagerly.

Lonely or not, it was good to be home again.

Without much thinking, she tossed her bag on the nearest chair and headed to the bathroom, for the first time in her life wondering why on earth didn't they have a bathtub. The reasonable part of her could immediately give her a whole list of reasons, yet right now, _reason_ was the very last thing Astrid was interested in, while the thought of submerging herself in hot, steamy water was the most tempting option of all.

Still, the reality would not change because of her whims, and so wouldn't the equipment of their small, shared apartment. The best Astrid could do was to use what she had to the fullest – and that was exactly what she was planning to do.

She resolved to change her tactics a little then, and left the bathroom, heading towards the kitchen instead. Her fingers hovered over her phone screen as she tried to dial Ruffnut's number, simultaneously hesitating whether she should even try to call the girl when she was officially still in class… when her own phone vibrated in her hand, announcing the call from the friend in question herself.

Astrid couldn't help but chuckle.

"Alright, I know what you're gonna say," she threw in carelessly after answering the phone. "Ten missed calls and four unread messages, you were sure I had died a terrible death on my way here. Well, I didn't. I'm home, and I'm safe. And my lousy butt is still in place."

"It better be!" She heard Ruffnut hiss on the other side of the phone. "And you owe me big time for sneaking out from that stupid marketing class to make sure you're okay! Do you have any idea how long I've been sitting on this bloody corridor?"

"You almost sound as if you preferred to stay inside," Astrid teased back mercilessly, putting the kettle on and searching for her favourite tea. "Come on, it's not like you were going to listen to Johann anyway."

"That doesn't change anything. He can still mark my absence if I don't come back soon."

"Well, you better do then."

"Oh no, not until you excuse yourself and tell me what exactly took you so long to call me."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Nothing really, except some snow getting in my eyes and my bag strap falling off. Oh, and there was some ice involved, too."

"What the heck did you do now, Hofferson?"

"I slipped. And my bag fell on the ground. Well, not in that order precisely, but that's not even close to the point – either way, I ended up lying on the pavement, with my things all around me. I needed some time to gather them, and even with the little help I got, it still took some – are you grinning?"

Ruffnut did not answer, however, that only confirmed Astrid in her assumption. She slapped her hand against her forehead, and no longer caring for appearances, she groaned. "Why do I even tell you anything?"

"Because you owe me," Ruff answered cheerfully.

Astrid was ready to swear she could hear her face muscles stretch; she groaned again.

"Yes, you've said that already."

"And still, you're asking. And I was just wondering what kind of help you got that it took you both so much time to grab those few notebooks of yours. Was the guy as clumsy as you today, or was he just too good looking for you to bid your adieu at once?"

Astrid felt herself blush immediately.

"What?" she asked a little too quickly, cursing the wavering of her voice. "Why would you even assumed it was a guy?"

"Because you'd have already told me if he wasn't. Duh!"

"Ruffnut!"

"Astrid!" the other girl retorted mockingly. "Okay, so he definitely _is_ a guy and he _is_ handsome enough to make you stutter over your words. That's perfect. You did give him your number, right?"

"Of course I didn't!" Astrid cried out, and rubbed her temples, trying to calm herself down again. "I don't give my number to every guy unlucky enough to meet me on the street, especially not after he saw me lying on the pavement like some pathetic, sobbing child. No matter how kind he is, how handsome he is – I may not have much dignity left, but it's just enough to stop me from doing anything of this sort."

Silence fell on the room, while she waited for Ruffnut to respond to her spontaneous little speech. She gritted her teeth and reached for the kettle, ready to pour the water into the awaiting mug.

Her tiredness was back.

"You know," she heard Ruff speak a moment later. "Judging by the way you speak, that might have been about the dumbest thing you did today. Or ever."

"This really isn't helping, you know."

"This isn't very comforting, you mean? No. It's not. But I've never been a type to comfort you, you've got Heather for that."

"Ruff, I -"

"Look, Hoff, you really have to stop thinking about what's proper and for once, do what you feel like doing. Sometimes, at least. Now go get that shower and get yourself to bed before I decide to come over and force you to do it myself."

Astrid sighed, wanting to smile weakly at least, but finding herself unable to do even this much.

"I will. Thanks," she mumbled instead, hoping that Ruff would not feel too offended with the way she'd just spoken to her.

"Sure," the other girl answered, calming her nerves a little with the steadiness of her voice. "Take care, chick."

Astrid put the device away; she was definitely confused but somehow, she was… _glad_ at the same time. Sure, Ruffnut's final comment did not make her feel any better – but then again, even with her harsh and direct attitude, Astrid could not miss the attentiveness and true care hidden behind it.

And at this point, she just wanted to appreciate that.

She still wanted a shower, too.

So she headed back to the bathroom, shed her clothes and finally took it – and when she left the cabin, with her hair wet and her skin practically steaming, she was almost willing to admit that, despite the constant turmoil in her soul, there still was some hope left for her.

That was until she came back to her room and took her bag, searching for the book she was supposed to read for her course. The book was there.

But her wallet was not.

* * *

 _Author's note: And I'm back with chapter 3! And there's Ruffstrid! Ruffstrid is great! I mean, seriously, their friendship means more too me than all sorts of Heathstrid I've come across._

 _Also, there's a whole new drama ensuing, and of course, there's a cliffhanger announcing it. It's awful of me to keep doing that, but honestly?_

 ** _Je ne regrette rien._**

 _Of course, I really want to thank you for you ongoing support, and I hope that you still find this story interesting. I'll try to work on the next chapters ASAP, and depending on how it goes, I'll update the story either on next Monday or a week after that. So take care and see you soon!_

 _God bless you,  
Margaret_


	4. A Man Like This

"No, no, no… No!" she cried out in desperation a moment after her discovery, rummaging through her bag, frantically searching for the item she hadn't even thought about half a minute earlier. "It _has to_ be here! I put it inside this morning, and I had it with me at the University, it couldn't just disappear. It must be here, _somewhere!_ "

But it wasn't.

Feeling herself on the verge of tears – _again –_ Astrid grabbed her purse in both of her hands and turned it upside down, letting her belongings fall on the soft surface of the sofa, still fooling herself that it would allow her to find the wallet that was otherwise escaping her notice. She threw the empty bag on the floor right after and focused on going through its contents once more, and every next second just made her more convinced that it was indeed just another hopeless business.

"Alright, Hofferson, calm down," she ordered herself eventually, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply, hoping to at least get her own nerves under control. She wouldn't resolve anything in a state of such panic anyway. "Did I _really_ put it in my bag in the morning? Wasn't that yesterday? I don't use the bus and I didn't visit the library today, so I really might have missed the fact that I didn't have the wallet with me. Oh, and I haven't eaten anything for the entire day, either -"

 _You did down that huge coffee in the afternoon, though, and it certainly wasn't Ruff who paid for it._

"Oh, shut up," she answered her own mind that apparently decided that she didn't deserve that last resort of hope she was clinging to so fiercely, as she plopped down on a chair and slouched, hiding her face behind her trembling fingers.

She knew she was naive to think of it in this way, but it was just too much. Why did it have to happen to her? Now, when she had finally found some peace, when she had allowed herself to relax a little, _this_ had to happen, shattering all of the prospects of spending at least a few idle hours without stressing over how pathetic she was. Now, however? No chance she would get any of that.

Her money, her tickets, her ID cards – they were gone, all because she couldn't have crossed half kilometre long distance without losing her balance and falling on the ground like the miserable idiot she was.

She jerked up her head, eyes wide in astonishment.

Certainly, she must have left it there! Just a few hundreds metres away, where her bag strap had fallen off. Maybe she was being childish and naive again, but if _she_ hadn't noticed the wallet lying anywhere close to where she'd stood, it was more than possible that no one else had. It must have landed between the rotting scrubs that she knew grew next to the footpath in that particular place, and, apparently, neither she or her saviour was perceptive enough to have noticed it earlier.

Of course, her own silly agitation at the time didn't help with that.

In a sudden rush of energy, Astrid jumped from the chair and hurried to the door, barely remembering to put on her shoes and coat before she left. Her hair was still wet and tangled, and she still didn't have a hat to put on her head, but it didn't matter. Right now all she cared for was her phone, her keys and this little bit of luck she needed so much.

* * *

Still, her wallet wasn't there.

Not on the pavement, not in the bushes, not anywhere close to either of them. Like with her bag earlier this evening, she searched and searched, checking every inch of the ground twice, praying that she would at least find her ID cards if nothing else.

 _Screw the money_ she thought, pretending like she didn't care, _screw the tickets, the photos, the slim, flat flash drive I never used anyway._

Screw the green-eyed, handsome jerks that made her lose her common sense.

"What is wrong with me?" she groaned as the realisation dawned on her, making her despise herself more than ever before, clenching her fists and kicking the kerb, indifferent to the pain that spread over her foot in result. "He took it. Of course he took it. He played his role of a decent guy, gave me back all of the worthless notes and pens and kept the only thing worth keeping. And to think I was _grateful_ to have met him today!"

Oh, she wasn't pathetic. She was just plain, plain stupid.

"Did I really blush and stutter for _this?_ "

Or maybe she simply was both.

She groaned for what felt like a millionth time that day and returned to massaging her temple, desperate to at least soften the pounding headache that was only growing with the passage of time. She no longer tried to fight her anger, knowing that it was the last thing that still kept her from giving up to the final frustration – frustration that meant nothing but tears and resignation, not to mention even worse physical condition. So she kicked, and she hissed, and she kept cursing the previous encounter that had undoubtedly lead to her current state.

It had taken good few minutes and a couple of snorts before Astrid calmed down enough to make any sort of decision. She looked around in the last impulse of hope. Nothing was there – and she painfully realised that it would remain in that way, no matter how much she wanted it to change.

Her sigh was almost theatrical this time.

"I really should stop that," she muttered under her breath, tucking her lose hair behind her ear, brushing away her fringe that was getting in her eyes. She was surprised it hadn't frozen by this time but then again, not much made sense on this sad winter evening.

Some December that was.

Refraining from scanning the area again, the girl turned around and, slouched under the heavy blasts of the howling wind, she took the first of the many steps towards her apartment.

 _Alright_ , she thought as she walked past a group of students who must have just finished the last of their classes. _Alright. If that's how it must end, then so be it. The best I can do is to get back inside and call the bank, the police, or whatever institution that could take any interest in me losing my documents. And then it's bed, and it's for real this time, and I am_ _ **not**_ _letting anything else get in my way again -_

Goodness gracious, she almost sounded as if she'd had anything to say about this.

"I do," she drawled through her gritted teeth, gaining herself a startled look from a very surprised passer-by. She ignored him completely. "I might be talking to myself, but that doesn't mean I've lost my mind, and until that happens, I'm the one deciding what and how to do about my life. And since I can't do more than those calls, I won't worry about it, not for a second longer. Good Lord, I really need some sleep."

She reached to the pocket of her jeans in search of her phone, curious to see how much time this unplanned escapade had taken her, only to feel it buzz in her hand before she'd had a chance to have a good look at the screen. She frowned at the sight of her mother's photo.

Ingrid Hofferson never called without a good reason.

"Mum? What's wrong?" she asked in lieu of a greeting, already sensing the familiar knot in her stomach that appeared every time she got nervous. Normally, a call from her mother would result in nothing but her surprise but feeling the way she did that day...

...she had already come up with the most terrifying scenarios.

"What happened?" she repeated before the woman on the other side managed to answer.

She heard her mother sigh in response. "Really, Astrid, can't a mother call her daughter without a reason?"

"You never do," was Astrid's quiet answer. She tried to sound calm but at the same time she was almost perfectly sure Ingrid already knew she was not. "We both know we're better off texting and you're always busy at this time of day. So, what's the matter?"

"Don't you be so sure, young Lady, or I'll make sure to call you every two days just to stir that confidence of yours. I may be getting old, Astrid, but it doesn't mean I don't know how to surprise my family. You should ask Dad."

"Mum," Astrid interrupted, the corners of her lips twitching. Her mother was way too cheerful - and naturally so - to be herald of any bad news and the girl felt herself relax at last.

" _Fine_ ," her mother muttered in a mock-offended voice. "There might be a reason this time. But I could still call you if there wasn't and there would be nothing special about it."

"Of course not," Astrid mumbled with a smile. "So, mum, are you going to tell me what that reason is or are you going to keep me in the dark until I burst with curiosity and beg you for details myself?"

She almost heard her mother grin. "That would not be an unwelcome change, you know. But as much as I'd love to hear you plead for anything, I don't have as much time as I wish, so I'll get straight to the point - do you or do you not recall meeting any tall, dark-haired, ridiculously handsome young man today?"

Astrid stopped in her tracks, astonished, unable to utter a word of response. Her mind was blank, except for one thought that kept ringing in it.

 _You've got to be kidding me._

"I - I don't" she stammered, somehow managing not to stop in her tracks as she did; again, the teasing expression that undoubtedly appeared on her mother's countenance was almost audible. "I mean, yes. What?"

"Well, well, looks like after twenty years of trying I've finally succeeded in rendering my daughter speechless," came Ingrid's merciless comment. "Even though I suppose it's mostly the man's in question doing."

"Why would you even ask me that, mum?" Astrid tried to regain some of her lost dignity. "This question itself is ridiculous, not to mention, awfully specific. So, why?"

"Because he's sitting in the other room as we speak. He came in about five minutes ago, claiming that he'd found your wallet on the pavement."

Now was the time for Astrid to halt.

"What?" was another educated exclamation of hers. "How?"

"He would not share any details except that he there when your bag fell on the ground and that even though you managed to gather most of it, you somehow missed the wallet - and that you'd left the spot before he noticed it himself. Now, I won't pester about how it's possible you didn't check for the wallet in the first place, because I know that things like that happen sometimes. What I want to know, however, is: how the heck could you run away from a man like _this_?"

Against herself, Astrid burst into laugh. "Mum, I swear, you're worse than Ruff sometimes."

"I suppose she already shared her thoughts on the subject?"

"Yes, and she was very straightforward about it, too."

"I knew there was a reason why I loved that girl."

Astrid chuckled again, and sighed. "Alright, your comments apart - why is he there? It doesn't make sense."

"I suppose he followed the only clue he had, which is the address on your ID. And as it happens, it's still your home address."

"Of course. But -" Astrid hesitated, feeling the sudden pang of guilt as she remembered all the accusations she had already made towards the guy who truly had done nothing but helped her. "You want to tell me he drove all that way to the suburbs just because of this?"

"Seems like it."

"Oh, brother."

She pressed her hand to her forehead. She felt so happy, and surprised, and a little lost for words, not to mention, more and more ashamed of how easily she had judged the chivalrous young man. And she still needed to decide what to do with the fact that said man was comfortably seated in her mother's living room.

"Okay mum, listen," she said eventually. "This is all wonderful news but if we don't make some decisions now, I will collapse on the ground from exhaustion in moments and nothing good will come for it anyway. I am too tired to come home today - so would you please just ask the guy to leave it with you for now and I'll come and pick it up tomorrow after classes? I'm sure he's dying to get rid of it, too."

"See, that's the problem," her mother opposed. "He seems determined to only give it back to _you_ , personally."

Astrid felt her good mood die again. She did _not_ feel like spending two more hours in a bus today. "Mum, it doesn't make any sense. Even if I wasn't tired, it would still take me way too much time for him to wait. I'd have to go back to the flat, get some money - I am sure he has better things to do."

"He doesn't want you to come, but to bring the wallet back to you."

"To me? Wait, you didn't actually give him my address, did you?"

"Of course not," Ingrid as well as snorted. "But he says there is no point in your coming here, since he needs to get to the centre anyway; he's pretty stubborn, you know. So... Maybe just name a place and I'll tell him to meet you there? Although honestly, he seems like the kind of guy that you could safely meet in your own flat. I wouldn't mind you seeing him like this, anyway."

"Mum!"

She heard her mother laugh openly then and only shook her head at her wonderful parent's antics. She resumed her stroll towards her block. "Okay mum, I'll tell you what: today has been horrible, and I feel like garbage, and I'm definitely not going anywhere right now - so if you could just send the guy to my flat, that would be great. And if he turns out to be a serial rapist and killer... Well, at least you'll know exactly how to describe him to the police."

* * *

 _Author's note: Hey, guys, guess who's **alive.**_

 _Yep. It's me. As crazy and unbelievable as it seems - and feels, really - I am still here and even though I had made myself an over 3 month long break from hiccstrid (!) I think I'm ready to go back - and let this chapter be a good omen of that._

 _I still can't promise you when I'll be able to share another chapter with you but I promise I'll try not to make the wait this awfully long again. Thank you all for you support, you kind words, follows & faves - even though I still don't quite understand the popularity of this story, I surely do appreciate your enthusiasm._

 _You're amazing and God bless you all,  
Margaret_

PS News! One of the reasons for not writing that much hiccstrid is the fact that I'm very much into **Anne of Green Gables** / **Anne with and E** right now. That means I'm writing for it, too - I've already posted some works under the name of **AnnewithaGee** , so if you're into Anne too, feel free to check them out.

 _Love you all!  
MH_


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